Sure     Free Verse (Creative Writing BA: 2010)

How was I to know?
When I found it hidden away,
In your tidy bag. So small,
And not mentioned at all.
I knew it was not for me.
In my whole life, nobody ever gave me anything
So perfect.

I should have communicated,
Like the Blue-Pill Counsellor told me.
‘You’re an intelligent woman,’ she said.
‘Clear your mind, clear your head.
Don’t be so possessive.
Obsessive.’ But, instead of telling, I listened,
And the voice was the same as before.

Confirming my suspicions:
Something was afoot. You were
Planning on going.Without me knowing.
It heard you promising
To take the perfect thing to the girl,
Go to the next place with her.
And not tell me where you were.

The new Purple-Pill Counsellor said
To trust you. To avoid listening,
The voice in my head is not real,
And neither is the girl.
She wrote upside down notes about her.
Then she wrote about me. About before.
But I had to be sure.

So, to keep me always in your heart and mind,
I crushed the blue and purple pills,
And brought your coffee,
With extra sugar and you said,
‘What’s the occasion? Breakfast in bed?’
I held your hand and listened as you became quiet.
So now it’s just you and me.

And I’m trying to tell you, but you’re not listening.
I’m holding this thing that was for her,
And the silver letters spell my name,
And the voice is saying, ‘Don’t be fooled again!’
But this time I am not going to listen.
Not like before. I’m just going to sit here and wait.
Until I’m sure.